I Get It.

 Someone I know killed themselves recently and I don't think I've related to a thing this much in my life. 

I get it. 

You get tired. You get stuck in this place of feeling, or not even knowing what you're feeling, and it seems never ending.

I get it.

Is suicide a selfish decision? Very much so. Do I agree with it? Absolutely not. I get it though. You get tired. All the sleepless nights. Constant overthinking. Praying that it gets better and it never does.

I get it.

You think to yourself, "Feeling nothing HAS to be better than feeling whatever this is. My family will be hurt, but they'll be fine without me. They'll cry for a little while then they'll move on. They always do. They'll be fine."

I get it.

When no one else is around. The loneliness. The silence. It's deafening. It becomes unbearable.

I promise you. I get it. 

I get it because, as I type this, that's where I am. 

And I'm here to tell you, although I can physically feel my faith wavering, I also know that it has to get better. God didn't bring you this far just to bring you this far. Giving you more than you can bare isn;t what He does. There are days where I can't put into words what I feel. There are days when I don't even want to get out of bed. I cry and I cry and it doesn't seem like it's going to get better. 

I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm beyond tired. Whatever the word is for being tired of being tired, that's what I am. It has to get better though. It has to. It just has to. 

All I want to do is give up. All I want to do is not feel like this.

I told y'all, I get it.

I can't though. It's a process and I have to push through. Broken, battered, beaten and bruised. However I have to get through this, that's what I'm going to do. 

If you feel like this and you need to talk, text me. Call a hotline. Talk to someone. Don't keep it to yourself. If you feel as though you'll be a bother, YOU'RE NOT. I would rather you call or text me all day than to be attending your funeral. 

It gets better. It may not feel like it. You may not see your way through, but I promise you, IT GETS BETTER. 

Isaiah 41:10  I don't know if this relates, but it makes me feel better.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255

My Number: 904-775-0225

My Email: kiaradeary6@gmail.com